Santa Clara University

Rosanna Alvarez

My Family and the Roots of Strength
by Rosanna Alvarez

My family has been the most influential factor in my decision to attend college. My parents have worked hard to provide an education for their children and enable them to succeed in life. Through their encouragement and the sharing of their life experiences, my parents have demonstrated the importance of education and encouraged me to strive for my goals. Neither of my parents received a college education. Their experiences, along with the encouragement of my seven siblings, serve as my continual motivation.

My mother grew up in the Morgan Hill/San Martin area, just south of San Jose, Calif. My grandfather brought my grandmother with him to the area as he followed the agricultural crops. With time, he secured a job as a laborer picking mushrooms at a mushroom plant, eventually becoming foreman at the company. My grandmother took care of the home and worked in the fields. The family moved around a lot and lived in field camps. Although, the family didn't have much, my mother was fortunate to have the opportunity to go to school everyday. After school and on the weekends, she worked in the fields picking chili, walnuts, prunes, and cutting apricots.

She often says she enjoyed school, but had other priorities, which took precedence over her education. When she was about two months away from completing high school, she decided that other things were more important in life. The decision has haunted her since then, and she has continually expressed regret at her decision. She eventually enrolled in night school and obtained her high school diploma, graduating from the Metropolitan Adult Education Program in 1992. I admire her for doing this because it would have been much easier for her to just go on with her life. With six children at home, finishing high school as an adult must have been a challenge.

My mother always stressed the importance of school. She regretted not graduating with her class, because it kept her from achieving her dream of becoming an elementary school teacher. By the time she obtained her diploma, she felt it was too late for her to go to college. She had a family and responsibilities. Due to her experience, she constantly encouraged me to envision college as a part of my life goals. Although she was encouraging, she was not able to help me through the process because she had no experience applying to college.

My father migrated to the United States from El Limón, Michoacan, Mexico at the age of eleven. My grandfather had previously come to the U. S. to work in order to send money to his brother-in-law to take care of land issues with the Mexican government. My grandfather had been an "ejidatario," a communal landholder, who after a long struggle with the government, had been granted a portion of the land previously taken from the collective. Through my grandfather's efforts, the collective sought to expand their land, but the bureaucratic system made it nearly impossible. The travel to and from the city in dealing with such transactions was expensive. To cover such expenses, my grandfather decided to migrate to the U.S. in search of work. After being falsely accused of pocketing the money the collective had contributed to efforts in dealing with the state, my grandfather decided it was best to sell the family's portion. In 1974, my grandmother brought the remaining children to San Jose, rejoining my grandfather.

While in Mexico, my father worked in various jobs, ranging from selling mangos to helping out at the bakery. At times, he worked on rice paddies, earning only $7.20 per day. He also remembers being put to work to pay off family debt. While in the U.S., he went to school, but dropped out after the eighth grade. It was not until my sister Mariana was born in 1983 that my father decided to go back to school. At the time, he was working as a production foreman for an electronics company. With his education, he felt that if he were to lose his job, he would never find anything that would pay as well.

He enrolled in a few basic night classes to earn his high school diploma, but decided that route was not for him. He needed immediate results, so he enrolled in Anthony Schools and obtained his real estate license in 1985 while continuing to work for electronics companies. Four years later, my dad obtained a broker's license and established his own business, Alvarez & Alvarez Realty. He accomplished all of this without a high school education. It was not until he decided to obtain a tax-preparing license in 1991 that he obtained his GED. In 1998, the year I graduated from high school, he was laid off from his electronics job. As an indirect result, he was able to commit himself to his business full-time.

Because of my father's ambition and hard work, my family was able to enjoy experiences that would otherwise not have been possible. In spite of this, I think our values stayed the same. Family was highly valued. Helping others was also continually stressed, in more ways than one, and we remained in the same public schools. Thus, while my family's upward mobility has allowed me the financial resources to pay for college, it has also made it difficult to adjust to college. That may sound strange, but there are times when I don't feel I meet the expectations of my social class.

Much of this may have to do with my own history. I didn't grow up in the best neighborhood and I didn't go to the best schools. Many of my lifelong friends are not sharing my experience of going to college. Many of my closest friends seem to have taken every alternate route leading away from college. One joined the Marines, the other went directly to work, some dropped out of high school, and others started their adult lives at a young age with children as an added responsibility. While we shared many similar experiences from the past, our worlds are totally different now. I just did not have someone who I felt I could share my experiences with or seek advice from. At times, I just felt like giving up, but the example set forth by my father's life experience did not allow me to do so. He had built himself up through self-education and the support and confidence of many people who believed in him.

Although he was not directly able to help me with the application process, his dedication to success and his ability to overcome obstacles encouraged me to do the same. If my father could defeat his limitations all on his own, I figured I could also survive any challenges life had to throw at me-on my own if I had to.

LABELS OF MISCONCEPTION

I grew up in East San Jose. As a student at Santa Clara, I have witnessed the stigma that is placed on the area. I recall that during one of my classes we were discussing the "disadvantaged" and the distribution of resources. A fellow classmate of mine took the liberty of using East San Jose as an example, describing it as an urban ghetto filled with crime and danger-a place to be feared and in serious need of community service. I never thought of my community in that way. In fact, I was outraged by the comment. This person had no right to pass judgment on the area. As most who have made the same mistake, this particular student had either never been to the East Side or only visited it once a week to fulfill requirements for community service. Growing up in the area, I recognize that the community is not the most advantaged nor is it rich in resources, but by the same token, these communities are filled with strong-willed individuals worthy of admiration because they manage to survive in the face of adversity.

Similar to the "East Side" stigma is the notion of inequality within the school systems. It has often been said that those who attend public schools achieve only a substandard education. There seems to be this common idea that if you go to a public school, you just aren't as smart as someone who graduated from a private school. Perhaps this is so to some extent. The public schools I attended did not have the best resources, the best technology, or the most up-to-date textbooks. Nonetheless, I received an education that I feel prepared me to compete at Santa Clara. Yes, there are some areas of study that you don't get exposed to in public school, but at the same time there are areas of life that private school does not expose you to either. Each system has its advantages and disadvantages.

EXPECTATIONS AND MOTIVATIONS

Growing up, I always did well academically. Because of this, people-including my family and friends-just expected me to go to college. My fear of disappointing others combined with my own desire to attend college contributed to my persistence. Being the oldest of eight children, I was also expected to be responsible and independent. Thus, it was a common assumption that I could survive college on my own and that I would just naturally fall into it. These great expectations left me stranded. Those closest to me could not help me and those who could were not very encouraging.

Beginning in elementary school, I was tested for and placed in the GATE program. Sadly, I spent a year being the only student in the program at Santee, my elementary school. I had to be bused to Stonegate, a school nearby. The program introduced me to topics I would have otherwise not been exposed to. I think this had an effect on how I would be perceived by later teachers and in my participation in other programs that would be for my benefit. In junior high at J.W. Fair, I had the opportunity to participate in other programs that would spark an interest in attending college. In addition to GATE, I also participated in an after school-mentoring program called "Latinas Guiding Latinas" and a youth outreach program. Both were conducted by students from San Jose State in conjunction with the City of San Jose.

Because I was tracked into college prep courses in high school, I was eligible to apply for college. Many of my closest friends who also attended Yerba Buena High School were not as fortunate. I know of only a few who went on to a university, others who went on to junior colleges, many who were forced to take full-time jobs, and still others who were not able to graduate from high school. These courses served as a gateway to applying to college: teachers were generally more supportive, as students we were more prepared, and we were introduced to test strategies for taking the SAT. In fact, if it were not for the requirement that we take the PSAT, I might not have applied to Santa Clara. At the time, information about specific colleges was not readily available to me and our high school campus had minimal resources for those who had no idea where to begin.

After taking the PSAT, I started receiving informational packets about colleges in the mail. Among these packets I received an informational brochure about Santa Clara. Aside from the information I received through the mail, I also had the opportunity to hear about a few colleges through campus recruiters-mostly from the University of California system and the Cal State schools. With this I learned a little about different campuses, but I had no idea what to look for in schools. I knew I wanted to go to college, but beyond that I had no guidance as to how to sort through the information I was receiving and how to decide which campus would be the best for me.

CHOOSING SANTA CLARA

When I was 16 I had a part time job working at Great America. Sometimes, I would take an alternate route to drive home and I would pass by Santa Clara. I was impressed by the University's outward appearance, but I didn't know much about the school itself. I had heard about SCU from some of my teachers who had written recommendations for other students in the past. Santa Clara was often portrayed as one of the more prestigious schools in the area, but it also seemed as though it were impossible to be admitted. Eventually, I received a packet from Santa Clara. I decided to apply because it was close to home, had a great campus, a good reputation, and seemed like a challenge because people didn't think I could get in. However, the application process remained unclear-or, more appropriately, I was confused. When I sought advice from my guidance counselor, I was advised to apply to DeAnza, a local junior college. The advice I received was that perhaps after two years I might be able to transfer to Santa Clara. I left his office angry and determined, but without any helpful information. Unfortunately, I also left his office paranoid: the counselor had caused me to doubt myself more than I already did, but I wasn't going to give him the luxury of defeat. I was going to apply and I was going to get in.

To add to the discouragement, some of my extended family members also doubted me. (In fact, during my senior year in college, there remained rumors that I would not graduate from college because they figured I would get pregnant and drop out.) In the end I applied to eight universities nationwide. I had no idea of where I wanted to go, which schools would accept me, and what these universities were really like. I was surprised to find that rather than rejection, I had many universities to choose from.

I chose SCU because it had a good reputation and it was close to home. That meant I could commute. I chose to live at home in part because it seemed more practical financially. As the eldest of eight, I also felt an obligation to stay at home and I feared growing distant from my siblings-the youngest in particular, Andrea, who was born my freshman year of college.

In a sense, I also felt somewhat discouraged from leaving home by my parents. I don't think they meant to limit me in any way, but I felt a bit of guilt at the thought of living on campus with my actual home not far away. In fact, my sister Mariana, who was also admitted to Santa Clara, had some difficulty convincing my parents that her living on campus was beneficial. Having made my decision, I had no idea that I had just opened myself to an entire other set of challenges such as how to finance my education, what major to select, and how to adjust my personal life to fit my educational goals.

THE BALANCING ACT OF ADJUSTMENT

My first year in college was horrible! I remember my first day at Santa Clara. I was excited about college, but was having doubts as to whether I had made the right decision. Because I was the first in my family to go to college, there was a lot to learn and I had to do this on my own. My classes were not so bad, but I kept hoping I would get over the feeling I had developed at orientation. I felt awkward and out of place. What I was feeling the first day at Santa Clara could best be illustrated by describing my experience at orientation. Some of the events were fun, but I found it difficult to connect with people. I remember being broken up into groups for the two-day orientation. I think I was the only person living off campus, so that made me feel somewhat different. I also noticed that the population was very different from what I had been accustomed to my entire life. Growing up, I attended public schools that were diverse in population-minorities were the majority. Diversity wasn't really something I thought about too often, until I got to Santa Clara. I noticed that here I was actually in the minority. I'll admit, it was kind of a culture shock for me. I had never been in an environment where I was different. It was intimidating. I almost felt as though I couldn't be myself. My experiences prior to SCU were totally different from the people in my group.

Adjustment was difficult, especially because I lived off campus and had no one to guide me. I had few chances of meeting people, and the people I met during my first year had a tendency to unintentionally alienate me when they found out I lived off campus. I chose to live at home because of the obligation I felt toward my family as well as for financial reasons-I had no idea the difference it would have on my experience. I noticed this throughout my interactions with others-before and after class. I think it was just common to ask, "So, where do you live?" For those who responded that they lived on campus, there seemed to be an instant connection-an experience I could not share. My first year, I was not involved in any organization on campus. I participated in a program called "Emerging Leaders." It focused on building leadership skills. I didn't think I was ever really going to be able to apply any of what I learned to my life because I wasn't really involved in anything. Fortunately, with time, I was proved wrong.

These feelings of displacement affected me academically. My GPA was the lowest it had ever been in my entire life. This only contributed to my self-doubt. I thought about transferring out of SCU-I thought of it often. When I mentioned this to others, they seemed confused. They couldn't understand why, after being admitted to such a school, I would want to leave. They reasoned that others applied and were denied, while I was accepted, and should feel lucky. I saw their point to some extent, but the main factor that kept me here was a lifelong lesson I had learned from my parents: "never give up." Although this was never verbalized, it was a statement they exemplified in their everyday lives.

My parents also had trouble understanding that I could no longer take on the multiple tasks that they expected of me. Growing up, I was able to juggle school responsibilities with family obligations, but college required so much more of me. I also felt obligated to work to offset the financial cost of school to my parents. They did not make me work, but I felt I should take some responsibility for my choice to attend an expensive school. In between working, going to school, and trying to meet my family's expectations, I lost myself. I had to find a way to compromise such expectations. My grades suffered and as a result, my confidence plundered. I had a brief discussion with my mom and she indirectly helped me see that I didn't have to work. My parents' hard work over the years had allowed me the opportunity to place my sole focus on school. I quit my job, which had required me to work at least 30 hours a week, and prevented me from getting involved on campus. The few people I had met through class invited me to get involved with organizations they had joined.

By my second year, I decided I had nothing to lose: I joined MEChA, the Political Science Student Association. I was introduced to La Comunidad Latina here on campus, and worked in the community through the Youth Empowerment Program and what is formerly known as the East Side Project. I found employment through the university, which offset the guilt of relying solely on my parents for finances.

Things started to turn around: I met more people and started to feel comfortable on campus. I even did what I perceived at one point as unthinkable: I joined a sorority. Among the sisters of Sigma Lambda Gamma, a Latina-based multicultural sorority, I found I could be myself with all my struggles and limitations. I found that among our common experiences was that of the first generation college student. I started to enjoy Santa Clara for all that it was. In short, I found that I did belong here after all.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: I would like to thank all of my friends, family, teachers, and professors who have touched my life throughout the years. Special thanks to my parents, Rosanna and Martin, for their continued support and encouragement. They have inspired me to follow my dreams and overcome all limitations. Many thanks to my siblings: Mariana, Esther, Martin Jr., Jessica, Ruperto, Andres, and Andrea who are my continual motivation and inspiration to succeed. I would also like to thank Eduardo Guerrero who has believed in me and has been there to support me even at my worst moments. I am forever grateful for the faith you have all placed in me. Last, thanks to the sisters of Sigma Lambda Gamma, Pi Alpha Chapter for the wonderful memories you have given me.