Santa Clara University

Naomi Arana

The Paths We Choose
by Naomi Arana

"Surviving a life of hardships and difficulties, of stormy ups and downs, is what produces a person of great depth and character. True happiness is also found in such an unshakable state of life. There may be times when life seems gloomy and dull. When we feel stuck in some situation or other, when we are negative toward everything, when we feel lost and bewildered, not sure which way to turn-at such times we must transform our passive mind-set and determine, "I will proceed long this path," "I will pursue my mission today." When we do so a genuine springtime arrives in out hearts, and flowers start to bloom. Nothing can match those whose lives have been shaped and forged through challenging and overcoming hardships. Such people fear nothing. To cultivate such an invincible core is in itself a victory. It is also the greatest benefit. Those who can succeed in this endeavor will savor unsurpassed happiness." -Daisaku Ikeda

BACKGROUND

What brings individuals together? Are we destined to marry that one special person, is it fate tugging at our hearts bringing us together with the person we are destined to spend the rest of our lives with? Whatever we choose to believe in, it must be said that it is a very powerful force that brought my Okinawan mother and Cuban father together.

My mother grew up in Okinawa, a small island on the southeast coast of Japan. She was the youngest of four girls, and was left motherless after her mother passed away due to pregnancy difficulties. Because of this tragedy the girls were raised by their grandparents as well as their aunt and uncle. The bond between the sisters grew strong as they developed a sense of family among themselves, leaving the responsibility of the mother figure on the shoulders of the oldest sister. Their father worked hard and long to provide sufficient funds to raise his daughters and at the same time was attempting to find a woman who would be able to fill the shoes of his departed wife. Despite the early tragedy my mother recalls having a happy childhood filled with pleasant memories and lots of love.

On the other side of the globe, my father spent his adolescent years in Cuba until Castro took power, when his family decided to leave the country. The Arana family had established good standing financially, however, fleeing the country would mean leaving it all behind. After much thought, they concluded that their freedom was worth more than money and sought happiness in a small island off the coast of the United States. Their migration to Puerto Rico was a very long and difficult process, relatives had to leave each other behind and establish new lives in new places without the entire family. My grandmother and her mother were among the first to arrive in Puerto Rico with my father and his younger brother. My grandfather had to remain in Cuba for some time to take care of the logistics of leaving the country. The wealth the Arana family had accumulated was lost as they departed from Cuba leaving the family with nothing in an entirely new environment.

Although college is essential in acquiring a professional job these days, my parents grew up in places and times in which college was more of a privilege than a requirement. My father chose to enroll into the Navy when he turned 18 to see the world and discover life without his parents. My mother started college but decided to leave for various reasons and pursued work instead. My parents met in Japan while my father was stationed there, and as their relationship grew serious, he chose to stay at the base in Japan. After a little over a year of marriage, I was born on Sept. 3, 1981. We remained in Japan for two years until my parents decided to move the family to California. There were many reasons for leaving. The most important was their desire to provide the best possible life for me, with the most opportunities for success and happiness.

The Navy had introduced my father to many countries and different environments, however my mother had never set foot beyond Japan. Although upon arriving in the U.S. she suffered culture shock, my father continually reassured her that this was the best opportunity for the family. Who knew that only four years after leaving her country her husband would be taken from her leaving her a widowed mother in a foreign land?

When I was six years old, my father was in a serious car accident that took his life almost instantly. Although I was rather young, I can still remember the exact moment my mother received the life-altering news. The knock on the door was the last noise I can remember from that night, it all flashes in my memory like old movies that have no sound. I accompanied my mother to the door and as she opened it I remember the horrid look on her face as the color of life seeped away leaving her pale and lifeless. Somewhat confused, I glanced over to the man on the other side of the door dressed in blue with a shiny badge on his chest. I remember the look he gave me, one I would not understand until I grew to learn the significance of life and death. After some words were exchanged, I remember the frantic energy that surged through my mother's body, as I searched for answers in her face.

At the memorial service, family members from across the globe came to share in our grief. During our darkest moment my mother's sister as well as her mother-in-law suggested moving either to Puerto Rico or Japan. My mom was unsure of what to do at this point, living in a foreign land, not knowing the language fluently, not owning a driver's license, and feeling alone and abandoned with a 6-year-old daughter to raise on her own. Death is a complex concept for a 6-year-old to understand however, I could infer by all the mourning faces that something bad had happened.

One memory of this difficult time will forever be with me. A few days after the memorial services, I received an envelope filled with cards written by my peers in the first grade. I looked through them, smiling at all the pretty pictures they had drawn for me. These happy pictures took me away from all the chaos that was surrounding me during this difficult time.

The summer before I started second grade we moved to Puerto Rico to live with my father's parents. There I attended a private school taught in English. I settled in rather comfortably. I was anxious to meet new friends and learn a new language, and was excited to live with my grandparents. However, shortly afterwards my mother realized the move was a mistake and wanted to return to California. We only stayed in Puerto Rico for six months before we returned to the same neighborhood and resettled as if we had left on a long vacation. I settled back into the same elementary school I had left and began to sprout into a young girl who loved to play sports and hang out with her friends. As my graduation from elementary school came closer my mother again wondered if we should remain in California, and decided that after I graduated we would leave for Okinawa. This was a sad time for me because I had forged strong bonds with many friends I still have today. Everyone was so excited to go to junior high school and all I could do was worry about making new friends once I got to Japan. We had to pack everything we owned because this time the move was for sure, or so we thought.

Upon arriving in Okinawa, we stayed with my mother's parents until we settled in. Now I was the one thrown into a foreign land, with a foreign language, without any friends. Everyday I made my mother promise me that we were going to move back as soon as we could, and she did just to keep me happy. However, before I knew it I was settled in and having a great time with my cousins and my new friends at school. I found Japan to be a fun and new experience, very different from that in the U.S. I attended a private school again that was very small and intimate. There were only 20 students per grade allowing everyone to grow strong relationships with one another. I soon felt a part of the school's family and I became a confident student and active in athletics. My family in Japan did not know English, which forced me to learn the language at a rapid pace. I enjoyed learning about the Japanese culture and celebrating Japanese festivities with my new friends and family.

As the months passed, that weird unsettling feeling came back to my mother as she felt inclined to return to California. At this point, I was very comfortable with the security and lack of violence in Japan and I worried about going back to California. My cousins and I could play and roam the streets at all hours of the night without having to worry about being attacked or kidnapped. I had kept in contact with a few friends from California who had told me about some gang troubles that were happening at our junior high school.

We left a few months short of the school year, which meant I had the opportunity to play "the new girl" again. Although, this time I was not too worried, because I was going to the junior high school all of my friends went to after elementary school. However, my first day back, the friends I had left behind did not embrace me. They had all grown so different in an attempt to find themselves in a bigger set of students. A girl I must have had differences with in elementary school passed around rumors that I was not the nicest girl, actually she told everybody I was a bitch. I had just spent almost a year at a school that embraced me with open arms and now I had to deal with this, what a nice welcome back to California. I had to win the hearts of my peers for many had negative presuppositions of me. I found my groove rather nicely with kids who were considered "popular" which helped me shed the false impression placed on me.

HIGH SCHOOL

High school is a very strange, exciting, and difficult experience. It is the real first shedding of our skin as we try to discover who we are, where we belong, and what we are doing in life. We are thrown into a small environment with hundreds of students from different backgrounds, with different goals, and different levels of maturity. I had five close friends coming out of junior high school and we were all good students and considered respectable children by parents and teachers. We made a pack to remain best friends and good students as we went through high school. I always felt sure of who I was and where I belonged until I got to high school. I watched my friends separate in an attempt to create a new façade of who they wanted to be. Maybe I was stuck in junior high school or maybe I did not know where I wanted to fit in. I just sat back and watched as my friends transformed into different people every week. I attempted to fit in with various groups, but I never fit into any one group. In time, all my friends came back together, each of us with our own style and views. We all brought to the group who we were and who we wanted to be. In an attempt to figure out where I belonged my grades suffered as my attention shifted from my studies to my social life.

 

Though I was a strong student coming out of junior high school, I was thrown into a class called Advancement Via Individual Determination (AVID), which was determined to get "at risk" kids into college. I had taken a math class that was connected to AVID the summer before I went into high school and they automatically enrolled me in the class the preceding school year. Students take this class for four years with the same teacher, in which they would tutor us, prepare us for the SATs, and eventually college. We visited numerous colleges in the area and worked closely with the college counselor, Mrs. Bogomilsky. She helped us with our applications, our entrance essays, and scholarships. She and I met at least once a week to discuss which schools I should apply to and later to figure out which school would be the best for me. I decided to stay in AVID because I had a few close friends in the class, and my counselor thought I should try it for a year.

In addition to Mrs. Bogomilsky, many others helped me during my high school years.

Mr. Blasquez was my AVID teacher for the four years I attended Mountain View High School. He watched me evolve from a young, confused, and distracted 14-year-old into the confident, motivated, and focused young adult I became by the end of my high school career. While I was on my search to find out where I fit in, Mr. Blasquez watched my grades plummet and my positive attitude towards school drop. He and I constantly fought and I began to question the real importance of the class.

Mr. Blasquez judged my character perfectly and, instead of holding my hand and babying me through this hard time, he challenged me to prove his presuppositions wrong. I did not enjoy being seen as a troublemaker who did not care about school and I was determined to show him my real potential. I started taking an active role in my studies, in the athletic programs, and the other activities on campus. We grew very close as the years passed. I felt I could talk to him about anything that was going on in my life whether or not it applied to school and my studies. It was heartwarming and comforting to know that I had someone I could trust and confide in at my home away from home. I still look to him for advice.

Mrs. Smith was my counselor and savior throughout my time at Mountain View high school. When my grades began to plummet, my mother began to worry because I never had any trouble with my schoolwork throughout junior high school. Mrs. Smith calmed my mother, telling her that this change in attitude is very common among freshmen trying to adapt to high school. To this day I am not sure if that is really the case or if she was just trying to protect me, but after that, I felt a deep, strong sense of respect for her and I wanted to show her what I was capable of achieving. She always welcomed me warmly whether I was coming to her for advice or to just talk. I felt bad for my friends who complained about their counselors, knowing I had the best one any student could ask for. As the years passed, we grew even closer. I was saddened to think that when I left for college I would not have anybody like her to share my life with.

Mr. Neely was my sophomore English teacher and later became the activities director my junior year. Like my relationship with Mr. Blasquez, Mr. Neely and I had our initial differences. I was known to hang out with students who enjoyed partying and some teachers just assumed the worst of me. It was not until a conflict arose that our relationship grew towards friendship. For the remainder of the year I worked hard to produce work that met the high expectations he had set for me. Our relationship was pleasant throughout the year although we did not become the close friends we are today until my senior year. Mr. Neely had been the advanced placement English teacher before he became the activities director and he continually pushed me to take his course my senior year. I decided it would be a good experience for me until I learned that he would not be teaching it. I contemplated whether or not I should remain in the class or just coast through my senior year taking the fewest and easiest classes like most of my friends chose to do. After much thought and advice, I decided to stay in the class, and although I struggled, I believe it was an important and much needed experience for me.

For the first three years of high school I was involved with three sports teams, however I had never been involved in any other school activities until Mr. Neely became the activities director. In just one year I got involved in more activities than I knew were going on my first three years of school. In doing so I was introduced to a new group of students and faculty.

Teachers choose their profession because they love what they do, and although the pay may not reflect that, it is important that they realize what an impact they have on the lives they touch. When I left Mountain View my senior year, I felt the school and faculty embraced my presence. The teachers actually cared what I thought, how I felt, and what I would become. Upon graduating from high school, I made an effort to express my deepest feelings of compassion and thankfulness I owe them. I will never forget what they have done for me.

My family never pressured me to do well in school, it was always expected of me. I worked hard because I knew I was capable and I wanted to meet the expectations set for me by my family and teachers. My mother works hard and long as a sales coordinator in Santa Clara to provide the best life for me. She has sacrificed herself to make me happy and I will work even harder and longer to make her proud of me. If I had to choose one person who I respect most in the world, it would be my mother. She has lived a life full of problems, but she has always kept her head up. I do not know if I could have such a positive outlook on life if I had gone through all the pain she has endured. I want nothing more than to exceed the expectations she has set for me, and I am willing to work until I do. My grandmother and uncle have also been strong influences pushing me towards my goals. They constantly have told me to follow what I believe in and that they will be behind me 100 percent in anything I choose to do. It is a wonderful feeling knowing that I have people who love me and believe in me no matter what I do.

By senior year I had established a strong GPA, SAT score, and developed a resume of activities. With the kind words in recommendations from both Mr. Blasquez and Mr. Neely, I was accepted at nine colleges, a mixture of state, University of California, and private schools. I decided I wanted to stay within California and I applied to many of the schools I had visited while I was in AVID. I discussed where I should apply with everyone important in my life including my family, friends, and teachers at school. Being accepted was the easy part. Next I had to figure out where I would spend the next four years of my life studying. After multiple consultations with Mrs. Smith, Mr. Blasquez, Mr. Neely and my family and friends, I decided Santa Clara University would be the best place for me.

I initially only applied to Santa Clara as a back-up school because I did not want to go to a school so close to home. However, as I visited some of the other schools I realized that Santa Clara's small and intimate environment would best fit my learning style. Upon visiting the University of Santa Barabara, I realized I could not sit in a classroom with 400 other students squinting to see what the teacher's assistant has written on the overhead.

FAMILY

At Santa Clara my roommate, who has been a friend since the seventh grade, and I decided to live in Unity our first year. Unity is the multicultural residence hall occupied by students from all backgrounds. We thought coming from multicultural backgrounds this would be a good experience for the both of us. However, I think we felt more excluded because the majority of the students at Santa Clara are white, and we were living in a dorm occupied mainly by those who were not white. Many of the other occupants in the dorm had great pride in their ethnicity, however, both my roommate and I are of mixed decent so we did not really fit into just one group. Unity was also filled with students from all grades and I think it would have been better if we had shared our first year living with just freshmen. Many of the students in Unity already knew each other and we felt out of place.

I think being both Japanese and Cuban puts a weird twist on the race issue for me. My last name is Cuban so when I am asked to fill in only one race on a form I identify myself as Cuban. I took four years of Spanish in high school where I not only learned the language but I was also introduced to many Spanish speaking cultures. In learning about the culture, I began to "feel" more Cuban. At Santa Clara, I decided to take Japanese for a year where I also was introduced to that culture making me "feel" Japanese. I have also had the opportunity to live in Japan and Puerto Rico for some time exposing me to the cultures first hand. These opportunities allowed me to make connections between what the teachers are expressing and my experience in these different countries.

A general stereotype of Japanese people is that they are good at math and science and hold a rather high level of intelligence. Although I would not want to be accepted into a college solely because of my race, I was told by many to put down Cuban as my ethnicity because they are under represented in colleges. In terms of adjustment, I have never felt isolated, regardless of the ratio of nationalities the students at Santa Clara represent. I have never felt discriminated against, or embarrassed of my background. I do notice that the majority of the students are white but I have not had any trouble adjusting to college because of that.

Although many of my friends as well as my teachers stressed the conflicts that may arise from living with a high school friend I chose to do it. I think we did not branch out as much because we were not forced to however, I do not regret living with her. Our personalities compliment each other and we kept each other focused. We have a competitive silent nature where we strive to outdo each other without causing any conflicts.

In terms of academics, Santa Clara is more challenging than I had anticipated. My resident administrator at Unity told us to expect our GPA's to drop one full point from high school. I receive financial aid from the school, which demands I hold a GPA of 3.5. Although stressful, I hit the books hard and was determined to meet their standards.

During my third quarter, I achieved a 3.91 GPA and ended the year with an accumulated GPA of about 3.6. Although maintaining a 3.5 GPA causes added pressure, I believe it helps me to keep motivated and focused. Many of the students at Santa Clara come from wealthy families who can pay the added expenses of sending their children to the University for five years if their children choose to take fewer classes a quarter. The added pressure has also made me realize the opportunity I have been given. It upsets me to hear my peers discussing their plans to just squeak by with a passing grade because there is no pressure for them to keep a solid GPA. Their parents have worked hard to send them to a challenging school and they choose to cruise through it because all they want is a degree. At times it is difficult to pass by the pool and watch all the students laying out and having fun in the sun when I am on my way to the library to study, however, I have learned to manage my time and have my fun on the weekends.

CONCLUSION

There comes a time in our lives when we exhale in some small defeat and find ourselves exclaiming how difficult and terrible our lives are at that exact moment. Is it really that bad? Is it any different from those all around us? Heartbreak, financial dilemmas, broken promises, or death, aren't these problems universal to all of us?

These challenging times are what push us to evolve into the strong and confident people we become. Instead of dwelling on these times we must recognize, reflect, and take the experiences we have endured into the future, allowing us to be better prepared for new experiences that await us. Although it may appear as though time is at a standstill during these rough waters we must realize that with time they will calm, the heart will mend, and in the process we will be even stronger than we have ever imagined. I will never forget the people who have helped me get to where I am today and I will live my life in hopes of meeting their expectations as well as trying to express the love and gratitude I have for each one of them.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: I would first like to thank my friends and family who have supported me every step of the way. It is easier to pursue one's dreams when you are supported by the ones you love. I would also like to thank those administrators at Mountain View High School that made my experience a memory I will cherish forever. Lastly and most importantly I would like to thank my mother who has been a great example of the way I want to live my life. She is an incredible mother and I feel cherished to say I am her daughter.