Santa Clara University

Clara Chu

Moving and Learning
by Clara Chu

I woke to the sounds of yelling and screaming in the next room: my parents having one of their regular arguments in Burmese, much of which I understood, but could not speak. My two younger siblings, who fell asleep next to me while secretly watching "Married with Children" (because my mom discouraged watching such a show), began to wake up also. Scared, we quietly just listened, knowing that tomorrow we would go back to the busy lives in the restaurants my parents owned, pretending we didn't hear anything. Suddenly, the door opened, and the three of us quickly closed our eyes. We could hear my mom sobbing. She opened and closed drawers while filling a bag, shut the door, and the yelling began again. A minute later, we heard the front door slam and we didn't see our mom again for an entire week.

The next days were unbearable. My father had us on lockdown in the house and continuously bad-mouthed my mom. Not knowing where my mom had disappeared to and whether or not she would ever return was bad enough, but my father incessantly blamed us for her leaving. Verbally abusing us, I was extremely grateful when I saw my mom's face again, when she came to rescue us from my father's wrath. At 11-years-old, I began learning all about my family's history and my family's situation, but more importantly, vowed to take away lessons from these stories to create a different lifestyle for my family and myself.

MOVING ON

Despite their separation nine years ago, my parents are only finalizing their divorce right now, as I am beginning my junior year at Santa Clara University. I have not contacted my father, although he has made some attempts to get in touch with me especially, when I was in high school. These attempts could be better classified as disruptions, including threats and uninvited visits to our home, all of which have led to a restraining order that we were forced to place on my father. Even today, almost 10 years later, my father is refusing to cooperate with the divorce. Having not been paid any child support, my mom has supported our family single-handedly, while working for the San Francisco Unified School District as a senior clerk. Moving constantly from place to place, trying to escape my father's threats, my family currently lives in a one room (not one bedroom, but room) place underneath a friend's house, which consists of one full bathroom, but no kitchen. Paying a very low rent, we are blessed to have this place because without it, surviving in San Francisco would have been impossible. As we have done in the past, my family would've been forced to move to another area and commute to San Francisco for work and school. Our "house" today is the antithesis of the lifestyle that we, especially my mom, had lived just a decade ago.

Our lives until that time were full of luxuries. Looking at it now, it was the reason my parents had stayed together for so long. The happiness of my family was primarily based on material objects. My parents were owners of valuable properties around San Francisco as well as other assets, such as four cars. For my mom, this lifestyle was always a reality until the separation. Along with her family, which is made up of her parents, an older brother, and two younger sisters, she came to the United States on Nov. 21, 1969 when Burma (now referred to as Myanmar) was experiencing political unrest. After quickly becoming successful in the restaurant business, my mom became dedicated to working instead of going to school. Because the business flourished so rapidly, she chose to put school behind her and only finished two years of community college in a span of four years. This would eventually prevent my mom from having options to choose from. She was forced into an arranged marriage by her parents. She wrote at most five letters to my father before they married each other three months later. Although it wasn't much of an issue when my parents were together, my mom's lack of education is hurting her today. She cannot move ahead in her position and as a result struggles to make month-to-month payments. This makes it difficult for my siblings, especially my 17-year-old brother and I, to turn to her for advice about college.

While at Santa Clara University, this has also had an effect on me. Although college was always encouraged and there was never a doubt that I would attend, I have found it difficult to adjust, even today, but especially my freshman year. However, looking at the past, I know that no matter how difficult it gets, finishing school is the only option I have.

MOVING IN

Waiting in line at 8 a.m. on move-in day on El Camino Real was the first memory I have of the Santa Clara residence halls. As we finally made it onto Bellomy Street, I could see a glimmer of potential friends, classmates, and floormates unload all of their belongings onto the pavement and transport it into Campisi, my freshman residence hall. I was excited, yet absolutely frightened at the sight of all this pandemonium. Questions were racing through my head. Did I bring too much stuff? Is my roommate already here? Is my family going to embarrass me when I begin moving in? Will I get along with all of these people? Even if I did bring too much stuff, I acquired a lot more during the school year; my roommate did arrive first, but this was no problem; and my family was like any other, except no one else brought their basketball coach with them.

The reason my basketball coach came along was because he played a major role in my decision to attend Santa Clara. Throughout high school, my coach was a father-figure and practically adopted me to ensure that I wouldn't make any mistakes before I started college. Because his son had also attended Santa Clara and had a positive experience, I was more interested in this school over others. However, there was some indecision on my part because I wanted to continue playing basketball. By my senior year I had been offered several scholarships and I was recruited by some schools, but my coach encouraged me to put the sport in the past. He convinced me that education was the reason to attend school and that in college there would be other ways to be involved besides competitive sports. Initially, I was upset that he did not side with me, but with my mom. However, today I understand that he was right in his advice. I have the opportunity to play intramural sports while maintaining a job and interacting with all my friends.

Besides my basketball coach, teachers always encouraged me to take challenging courses and take on leadership roles, both on and off the court and in the classroom. I remember two English teachers who would sit with me until late at night working on essays for colleges. Without this help, I would not have had any idea who to turn to for assistance. My counselor, who coincidentally also attended SCU, also kept me informed about scholarship opportunities. One particular award, the Meritus College Fund Scholarship, is special to me. Not only is the monetary support important, the networking I have available with the donors is invaluable. Each year I write update letters and I receive response letters of encouragement and advice. This may not seem like much, but it makes a big difference when trying to decide what to major in or whether or not to study abroad. Advice from these university graduates, most from many prestigious universities, could not be better given from others. All of these people I mentioned were a great influence on me while I was transitioning to Santa Clara University.

MOVING WITHIN

I quickly learned that at SCU, I would not be friends with everyone and that I would find my niche with people who I could relate to the best. As quickly as I made friends, I also found those who I did not particularly enjoy spending time with, mainly because we did not have much in common. This was, of course, no one's fault. However, I also felt because of my background, I did not fit into the typical Santa Clara stereotype and this prevented me from fitting in.

As I am learning more through classes at Santa Clara about what it means to be an Asian- American female, I am also beginning to learn that trying to fit in has prevented me from fully trying to break the stereotypes that come along with the label. The Asian female stereotype I often hear about from some of my friends-some of whom are Asian and/or female-is that we are quiet, subservient, receive excellent grades, and always listen to our parents' orders. However, this is not me. In fact, I fall far from this stereotype. Possibly it is because I come from an out of the ordinary family, but also because I believe that no one ever got anywhere being quiet and subservient. In addition, on account of my parents' constant arguing, I rebelled at a young age. Being raised in the restaurant business, my help was needed in many areas: from peeling shrimp until my hands were soaked in the stench of seafood, to stir-frying up a dish in the large woks. However, I got paid and I did not always use this money for the most logical expenses. Rebelling just for the sake of rebelling, I often took this money and left the house with my friends (which was highly forbidden by my father) and went to downtown San Francisco and spent my money on things like candy. I was only about 12-years-old at the time. This, my rebellious attitude, is one of the reasons why my father often blames me for my parents' breakup.

It is difficult at times to both adjust to college as a first generation college student while also dealing with the problems in my family. Today, my father does not support me in any way. I am paying for my education on my own because my mom is still struggling to support my two younger siblings. I know that had my parents both been educated in the U.S. my lifestyle would be different today. I would have a better understanding of the importance of maintaining an education. The education gained in college, integrated with the learning that occurs outside of class, has played a major role in who I am today. Managing school, work, friends, and several jobs has definitely given me the education "of the whole person" that Santa Clara stresses. These opportunities are different than what my parents had. These are the differences that I hope will help me to create a better future.

A change I have experienced after coming to Santa Clara is having a concentrated amount of Caucasian friends whose parents have all attended college. I do have friends who are not Caucasian, but this is a great difference from high school where there was no more than 10 Caucasians throughout my entire four years. This was one major adjustment in my transition to SCU. My first year, many of my friends were predominantly African-American. They understood where I was coming from because they also did not have much money.

I remember one experience that put me in a very uncomfortable position when I went shopping with several of my Caucasian friends. It was my first visit to the Stanford Shopping Mall and my friends were buying products that I would only get as Christmas gifts. Afterwards we went to dinner at a place where I had to borrow money because I did not bring enough cash. Although I didn't express it at the time, it felt awkward and I was sad that I could not afford what my friends could. In contrast, not only did my minority friends understand my financial issues, they seemed to better understand my family problems, and my difficulty adapting to college life.

 

There are many other reasons why I immediately clicked with the group of friends that I have at Santa Clara University. Although I know that many families have problems, I felt like minority students understood how difficult it was to transition to "the Santa Clara mentality" while also trying to stay true to your background. Some of my friends did not want to admit that they were from lower class neighborhoods and families and tried to pretend they were someone they weren't.

Coming from a public school, I also faced struggles in the classroom. Unfortunately, at my high school, learning was not a priority. Students were just sent there to be kept off the streets. Comparing my experience to my friends who were brought up in private schools, many of them Jesuit schools, I realized my disadvantage. I was not used to such rigorous work my first year at Santa Clara. Some of my friends, who are also first generation students, found the struggle to adjust too difficult and transferred to public colleges.

However, for me, even with all of these struggles, being at Santa Clara is like living a dream. Never before have I been in an environment where learning is so greatly expected and encouraged. Before coming, people would tell me that college would be the best years of my life and truly, as each year passes, I agree. Even if a lot of my friends do not like some of the features of Santa Clara, it is not hard for me to admit that living here is like living at a hotel resort. At times, especially when my family departs from their visits, I feel guilty that my family doesn't get to live in such an environment. With access to many resources, my greatest task is to get the most of my experience here. For these reasons, whenever my family comes to visit me, they get a taste of what my lifestyle is like and become somewhat envious, but are still extremely happy that I have such opportunities.

MOVING AHEAD

I have become a role model for my younger siblings, especially my 17-year-old brother. Seeing the lifestyle I lead at Santa Clara University-living in the residence halls, taking on leadership activities, and having fun, he would like to follow in my footsteps. I hope he considers all of his options. He has a better grade-point-average than I did coming into Santa Clara University, better SAT scores, and for the most part, is more willing to distance himself further away from home. My brother, in turn, serves as a role model for my youngest sister, who is only 13 years old. I see this as a domino effect and, as siblings, it has only been natural that we teach one another and learn from the older sibling's experiences. As my brother is preparing to enter into his senior year of high school, he's already called me on various occasions to ask me questions about the college process, such as AP courses, fee waivers, and applications he's receiving from different universities. Because my mom cannot always help, my advice greatly influences my brother's decisions, so much that he has decided to make Santa Clara University his first choice. When I was in his shoes I really struggled with trying to figure out what to do, even where to start, because I lacked a big brother or sister to show me the way. I'm really glad to be able to be here for my siblings.

With two more years before I graduate from college, I've already discovered much of who I am, but understand that there is also a long path ahead in this learning process. Through all of the obstacles, my family has been there for me and I've realized how fortunate I am to have them. My family, especially my mom, has kept me grounded, reminding me that finishing school is a goal that not only do I have to complete, but should want to complete. Indeed, education will always be a part of my life whether it be getting my youngest sibling through college, or attempting to get a master's degree in education. This interest in graduate school has been sparked by several professors at SCU who have shown me the importance of educating others and how this can have a tremendous difference not only for individuals, but also their families and future generations. This is the role education has played in my life and I know there will always be people, especially first generation college students, who should be given the same opportunities that I have been given to keep moving and learning.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: I would like to thank all my teachers and coaches from Wallenberg High School who made a difference in my life. I would also like to thank all of my friends and professors at Santa Clara University who have had a great impact in my life. Most importantly, I would like to thank my mom and two younger siblings for their love and support.