Santa Clara University

CPSY x921

Description

Tolstoy said all unhappy families are alike. This may not be entirely true, but therapists do tend to see recurring issues among our couples. Many of these involve the intrapsychic challenges all people experience in long-term relationships.

These include the desire for intimacy vs. the desire for autonomy; the desire to be known vs. the fear of being known; the fear of risk-taking vs. the necessity of risk-taking; and the desire for sexual novelty vs. the desire for sexual predictability.

We also see couples who are simply deficient in important adult skills, such as how to accept the consequences of one’s own decisions; how to compromise without feeling betrayed; and how to tolerate others’ feelings.

Finally, some couples undermine themselves with their assumptions and myths—about love, intimacy, sex, and truth-telling. Part of our job is helping couples identify and change these. Our vulnerability to the same assumptions and myths, of course, can make this difficult or impossible.

This seminar will discuss and demonstrate how to treat the following common problems:

• Nagging (e.g., over domestic chores)
• Destructive fighting (rather than cooperative conflict)
• Affairs
• Poor communication
• Inappropriate use of pornography
• Loss & grief

We will look at specific strategies for treating each of these in couples therapy. The principles and skills you learn will be valuable regardless of your theoretical orientation.

Instructor