Santa Clara University

Page 3 of 3

Asking forgiveness

Often, Catholics who return to the Church do so when an official representative, usually a priest or bishop, asks alienated Catholics to forgive the Church for whatever led to their alienation. Noteworthy, too, is the realization on the part of formerly alienated Catholics that they, in return, need to ask the Church's forgiveness. Sometimes, for example, they realize that they reacted in a childish manner to an unintentionally hurtful action on the part of a priest, bishop, religious sister, or parish lay minister. "Basically," said one female returnee, "I realized that I needed forgiveness as much as the Church needed forgiveness. I had been throwing a temperamental hissy-fit for seven years because the Church wouldn't measure up to my personal standards of perfection-as if I was perfect myself!"

An SCU alum from the class of '76-I'll call her Betty-explains: "I didn't consciously stray or lapse from the Church," she says. "During my teenage years I had no real interest or connection and that just continued for me. I was married the first time in the Church at a young age, but the reality and seriousness of the sacrament and commitment of it was not clear to me. After my first marriage ended, it catapulted me onto a spiritual path. I was seeking to understand myself, my life, why I was the way I was."

When her marriage ended, Betty says she explored "various spiritual paths" including seeing a therapist. She studied Eastern religions, practiced meditation, visited an ashram, and "spent time with an Indian guru who embodied the qualities of a living saint." She also met the Dalai Lama.

Then, in the late 1990s, Betty returned to the Catholic Church. "It was very much a surprise to me," she says. "I never thought the Church had anything to offer or would ever be my path. I returned home from a spiritual retreat and found myself drawn to reading books about prayer and saints."

After reading a book about an author's spiritual quest that brought an awareness of the role of Mary, the mother of Jesus, in Catholicism, Betty says that she "felt drawn back to church through Mary." She began attending daily Mass, praying the Rosary, and spending time in church to pray before the Blessed Sacrament. "Suddenly there was something real about this for me-the presence of Jesus became real, maybe for the first time in my life. This is why I choose to stay connected with the Church now."

Perspective gained

Betty, like many Catholics who have come home to the Church, believes that her years away from the Church were worthwhile because she gained a perspective that helps her to be a better Catholic today.

Those who return to their Catholic faith discover that reconciliation is what being a disciple of Christ is all about. In fact, I would argue that reconciliation is what being Catholic is all about. This ministry of reconciliation is the business of all Catholics, but those who have come home to the Church seem especially good at it, because they know from personal experience the sorrow of being away and the joy of coming home.

Editor's Note: Mitch Finley '73 is the author of more than 30 books including The Joy of Being Catholic (Crossroad), and For Men Only: Strategies for Living Catholic (Liguori). This article is loosely based on his most recent book, It's Not the Same Without You: Coming Home to the Catholic Church (Doubleday, 2003).