Student Reflections from Fall 2003Below are the reflections and thoughts from some of the Casa students who were in El Salvador for the Fall 2003 semester. These reflections are in alphabetical order by student's last name.
Here are my thoughts on El Salvador so far: El Salvador is life, Paz, It's fine for people to contact me: zbehnke@scu.edu
 Katie Bignell Santa Clara University Theatre and Dance major
As I reflect back on my experience so far here in El Salvador, one phrase comes to mind: to see. I came to El Salvador so that my eyes might be opened to the greater reality of our world, and they have certainly been opened. I sat down to expand on this topic for this reflection, and a poem came out�so it appears below. El Salvador Eyes
 Christina Dominguez Fordham University Latin American Studies & Social Work
El Salvador asks us to be bold and hopeful learners. I have come down to ask questions. In the process I am developing relationships that aid my education and my insight. The main question I have is what now? I see the struggle I bear witness to the poverty, and I learn the dynamics and structures of oppression. In El Salvador I get angry, I get frustrated, I receive joy, I am fed, I get sad, I receive hope. But then I reflect and wonder what my studying will produce, what my experience of the reality will produce in me that I don't yet have. Will I bring all of these emotions with me or will I realize that I already had them, that my feelings manifest themselves a little differently in each environment, but the essence remains the same. Will I realize that people of El Salvador and people of the United States experience the same oppression of poverty? Will this journey help me understand the interconnectedness and mutuality of my life with every other living being. I am still very romantic about my perception of El Salvador and the goals I have for myself in terms of all the experience: community, praxis, campo, education, being an extranjera. The romanticism will soon slip to the wayside and reveal a more profound reality that speaks truth and commands courage. The hope will remain as well as the desire to understand each other, educate each other, and serve each other.
"Why in the world did I come here?" I would be lying if I did not admit that this thought has crossed my mind more than once during my time in El Salvador. I have found dealing with the reality of these people to be difficult, although very inspiring. During my time with the Casa program, I have been tested physically, socially, spiritually, mentally, academically, and emotionally. I have done well on some of these tests and not so well on others. However, I have learned from all of my experiences here and it is an incredible feeling to know that I am growing in all of these areas. It is clear to me now that more importantly than learning "what" to think at college, we need to learn "how" to think. The world is in desperate need of people who are not afraid to face the reality of so many of its inhabitants, realize things need to change, and search for one's role in ending the cycles of violence and poverty that exist. There is not question that Jesuit education calls us to this vocation and all I may not find the answers to all of these questions here in El Salvador, this program has certainly sent me in the right direction. This is the reason I have come here, the reason I have enjoyed being here, and the reason why I would certainly encourage anyone else interested in this vocation to consider it as well.
My experience here in El Salvador thus far can be described with three words, "Dios es amor." The God that I encounter daily in El Salvador is not intangible, but rather God lives in the love that embodies Salvadoran life. Their beauty, happiness, generosity, and choice to live despite great suffering, allows me to be present with God daily. God is the love that sustains their lives, and experiencing this love has allowed me to feel the presence of God. Donde hay amor, hay paz.
 Colette Hellenkamp St. Louis University Social Work When I first entered, I excitedly, anxiously checked out my fresh, new environment. I surveyed the room, saw a few people I recognized, and took a few steps in to join el baile del amor. I knew this was the place I wanted to be, needed to be, but I hesitated at first and doubted myself, doubted that I'd be able to keep step with the people with so much more righteous groove than me. I saw the people around me excitedly buzzing with their friends, equally anxious and ready for the party to start. Finally the music started, and we enthusiastically flocked to the dance floor. I saw the people dancing around me, and I tried to understand how they were moving. I tried to mimic their rhythm, searching for the magic that flowed in their steps. But every now and then I winced from the pain of getting my feet stepped on or from bumping into others. Ahhh! Where's my groove? I thought this was the moment I'd been waiting for my entire life! All I wanted was to dance for love, in love, with all of the beautiful people around me. What was holding me back? Suddenly someone grabbed my hands and removed them from my ears. Now I can hear not only the sweet captivating music, but as I begin to listen more intently I also feel the heartbeats of all those around me. I am swept up in the swirling, elating movement of the pulsing, beaming, glowing, sweaty, vigorous, soft bodies. I am tenderly passed from one partner to another, each teaching me new steps along the way, each sharing with me a piece of their heart. The warm melody slowly seeps into my spirit as the night progresses, and at last I am moving with the vibrancy for which I had been yearning. Each day the Salvadorans teach me more about how to do this dance of love. Don Israel's illuminating grin that greets us at Las Palmas every morning teaches me to rise in love with new each day despite the challenges of the day before. Four-year-old Christian's boundless kisses and tender embraces teach me to love bravely and freely, without hesitation or reserve. And beautiful, too-quickly-aged Carmen, who works all day selling chocolate-covered fruits in the street just to have enough money to feed her children, teaches me the sacrifice and humble selflessness of love. At last I am dancing with love, for love, in love, learning more with every new step along the way. And for this gift of the grace to hear to feel to experience to breathe love, I am grateful. And I give thanks. Words that speak to me:
Being in El Salvador for me signifies a distinct range of experiences and emotions, and I find that since being here I have discovered much about myself. I am further deepening my critiques of structures, ideology, and experiences, never hesitating to place myself within the framework of these criticisms. I have struggled with internal conflicts, and am learning above all else to value subjectivity, to listen not to how people tell me I should think or feel, but how I genuinely exist in relation to my experience. I am nothing but what I am, and cannot pretend to be anything else. I listen to my emotions and inner voice, as ideologies often deceive us and seek to invalidate subjective feelings. We all exist completely immersed in subjective experience. There is no objectivity in the world - not in ethics, language, nor science - only subjectivity. Everything has implications and ideological assumptions built into it - nothing is value free. How can we live and act except according to that which we encounter through our particular frame of reference? I speak for myself and only know how to be true to what I feel and to that which I consider sacred. This is our task: to uncover ideological hegemony so as to be able to speak from our center, not from outside of us, but rather from within. We all have very specific, unique, and relative experiences, and must learn to value diversity of thought and opinion as essential virtues. We must not fear breaking with the normative, to question what we are told in light of our personal experiences. There is true liberation in questioning, in a critical consciousness, in the willingness to contradict the popular current of thought in order to free oneself from the manacles of uncritically accepted ideology, which functions to limit the expanses of our minds and deny our legitimate experiences. Live according to what you feel.
As I sit myself down to write about my experience in the Casa, I find myself without words. For weeks now I have been carefully trying to come up with the perfect words to inspire all who read this reflection in the future. Yet I have come to realize that I will never find words to describe my time here in El Salvador and all that it means to me. What I feel here is beyond words- a constant flow of ever changing emotions and reactions that push and pull in different directions, always forcing me to grow. The lives of the people here in El Salvador inspire me and give me hope. I am constantly asking myself, “How are they so amazing, what is it that gives them life?” When I am lost or struggling they gently take my hand and walk with me. When I am overwhelmed with joy they take delight in my happiness. And when I have nothing to say (because I can’t think of the word in Spanish) they calmly, patiently, sit with me. Above all this, the Salvadorans teach me how to love. They teach me how to open my heart, give of myself freely, and to put others before myself. More times than I can remember I have felt myself overflowing with this love, this free gift from God, that they openly give me everyday. Dora (11) giving me all the marbles she had just won so that we could continue to play the game for hours, Jasmine (9) taking my Nalgeen in order to hold my hand down the dirt road in La Javia and Henri (5) offering me a lick of his slobbery ice cream cone, all teach me how to love. It is in these moments that I feel alive, that I feel like all the struggles and the pain is worthwhile. It is in these moments that I being in El Salvador just makes sense to me. Everyday day here is a blessing from God. Everyday my eyes are opened to something new. Everyday I feel my heart grow. “God has created us to love and to be loved, and this is the beginning of prayer – to know that he loves me, that I have been created for greater things.” – Blessed Teresa of Calcutta “Peacemaking should never be abstract. It should have a human face. Where is that human face in front of you, the person to whom you can say, “Come stay with me?” You will discover that the little ones, the hidden ones, are the ones that give you the peace and the joy and the harmony of heart, who blow out your fear and give you some real freedom. If you want to be a real peacemaker, always look for the little ones, and your fear will slowly go, because it is through the little ones that God reveals to us God’s perfect love.” – Henri Nouwen And yes you can contact me. I would be more than willing to talk with you: hkallen@scu.edu
The idea that the experience I am having right now could be reduced to "study-abroad" is an insult to the richness and complexity of this opportunity; it is more adequately called a privilege - a privilege to know another reality and in the process know yourself a little better. I came to El Salvador consciously motivated only by the idea of service and the opportunity to speak Spanish; what I have learned up until this point is that what I am doing is serving the development of my soul more than the development of any person here. No matter how many stories you hear, how many images you create in your mind, how many texts you read, nothing can prepare you for the forlorn look on the face of a twelve-year old carrying a full bucket of wet corn kernels on her head, or for the embrace of a ninety-seven year old campesino who reaches your chin. I was not fully appreciative before my arrival that I would be living with some of the most intelligent, other-centered, giving individuals that Jesuit Universities have the good fortune of calling their students. Nor that I would find myself living with Salvadorans who, although my peers, have had a formation quite different from mine which they caringly share as though I were family. I didn't know that my professors would be experts in their respective fields or that my education would be so fully realized in praxis. All these things I have been learning, and each day I realize more fully the incredible gift it is to part of this program. This will not be an isolated educational experience, but rather a life-long lesson in living. Quote: "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream." - Mark Twain
I left a piece of my heart in Latin America since I went with a delegation Tijuana, Mexico 6 years ago and the few times I have been able to return up till now I knew I wanted more. My choice to participate in the Casa program was that opportunity for me. A unique way to explore social justice, spirituality, and yourself, the Casa program offers every student an opportunity to take advantage of learning in and outside the classroom in your praxis site, community living, and relationships with people participating in the program. Unlike many other study abroad programs, the Casa will challenge you to look at the world, and your place within that world, in a different way. With the arms of El Salvador open to you, the Casa is a place that will challenge you, educate you, and offer you opportunities to learn about a world unlike your own.
I am willing to be contacted with any questions. My e-mail is cfeminista@yahoo.com
 Elizabeth McDermott St. Louis University How do you describe an experience that has changed your life forever in a paragraph? I'm not going to say this has been a normal study abroad experience similar to studying in Rome or Madrid because first of all, that wouldn't be true, and second of all, that wouldn't do the program justice. El Salvador has forced me to think, taught me to love, and challenged me to act in ways I have never been challenged before. True, the environment is challenging. It is hot, tiring, and difficult to be immersed in a culture that is not your own. But, then there are the people. These Salvadoran people have a sort of presence. Simply put, they have a way of exuding unconditional love. Their lives are shocking, amazing, and inspiring. For me, it's people like the Salvadorans who make this extraordinarily chaotic world a joy to be a part of. They will always be at the front of my thoughts, in the center of my heart, and the fuel for my spirit. And I would literally not trade the past four months that I have spent with them for anything in the world. I would be happy to be contacted if any one has any questions about this experience. My email is lizbitmcd@aol.com
I like to become outraged and indignant. My face gets hot, I clench my fists, and I can't sit still. That's when I storm out and march my way to where I need to be. A place where I can be with people who will take my hand in theirs and tell me more. And that's the process I go through everyday in El Salvador, over and over. I hope it is a process that will never end. "We are partial because we are objective"- Ellacuria You can contact me too: roramsey@fordham.edu
El Salvador offered me an invitation of challenge. The challenge to enter a new way of being. While I will never overcome the challenges of El Salvador, I have learned that to live them is everything. "LOVE generously PRAISE loudly LIVE fully."Elias Porter
Textbooks are limited. Classrooms are often too comfortable. When one wants to learn about poverty, social justice, the struggle for liberation, and the condition of the world, the pleasant University environment can fall short; or the experience can be more profound elsewhere. That's why I'm here. To learn in a way that tests my very being emotionally, physically, spiritualy, and certainly mentally in order to be challenged more thouroghly and understand better what life really is. Later, when the program ends I will leave having seen life in the tears of a child, in the wrinkled smile of an elderly woman, in a janitor sruggling to survive, all under this new context of El Salvador and with more information to ask what life could be and how I can have an influence.
I am willing to be a contact too: athome@scu.edu
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