Student Reflections from Spring 2004Below are the reflections and thoughts submitted by some of the Casa students who were in El Salvador for the Spring 2004 semester. These reflections are in alphabetical order by student's last name.
Writing this reflection several months after returning to the States is symbolic of how my time in El Salvador has left me struggling to put words on the experience. My time in El Salvador was really about people. Looking back now, the questions of justice and growing in self-knowledge that drove me down there really just fade away into faces, personalities, and friendships. The intimacy I found with Salvadorans and a group of caring gringos is what shaped me the most and is what I miss above all. Truth comes out of such community, I really felt that throughout the Casa trip. I have constructed walls around my true self my whole life and I can see myself doing it again back here in the States. Our culture is the facilitator. The combination of Salvadoran reality, including its people, and the community in the Casa weakened my defenses and at the same time nurtured me to dig deeper inside. I truly feel that a wall was broken down, whatever it is in our culture that contributes to a lack of real, truthful understanding of myself but importantly of others and reality. The relationships and reality opened up my world and drive me to be a better person here in the States. So there's my wacky analysis of what El Salvador did to me and maybe what it will do to you. Besides that there is much to experience and learn through the Casa. Maybe what I said sounds sappy, scary or incorrect but I'm sappy, not scary, and generally mistaken. So its just one man's opinion. You can write me with questions at ryanbrennan@creighton.edu
Sitting and thinking about the time that I spent in El Salvador, I find it really hard to put such deep and life changing experiences into writeable language. What I am confident about however, is the positive and motivational impact and change that I have experienced through not only the Salvadoran communities but also the amazing opportunities I was presented with that challenged me. If there is one thing that the Casa teaches you it would be, “that people are important” (Chris Wright). I would love to answer and comment on any questions any student may have. RCassel@scu.edu
I'm not sure what to say to express this experience to you. I could tell you a story of splashing in a dirty river with some great kids on a sunny day, or of super-generous families with no incomes and too many children to count. I could tell of good food bringing wicked diarrhea or of having conversations with the biggest names in El Salvador's recent history, but such anecdotes would only begin to touch my experience. When folks ask that dreaded question, "How was El Salvador?," the best I can offer is, "I'm glad I went." Your Casa experience will be unique. Mine included new friendships, challenging looks at power structures, new language skills, and refreshing new perspectives on Church, priorities, and lifestyles. These were what I came looking for, though I didn't and couldn't have expected them to come in the shapes and sizes that they did. Maybe I can get away with calling the experience a reality check. Some of it positive, some of it negative, much of it powerful, all of it real. It was a glimpse of reality that I could never have seen from the friendly confines of Santa Clara University. I am thankful for the opportunity to see freshly. I would be happy to answer questions: jacobadavid@yahoo.com
My decision to come to the Casa was based on both a goal and a hope. My goal was to study both International Politics and Theology (my two majors) in an atmosphere where their connection is undeniably present, and their relevance to the situation of the world is apparent. While it has become very obvious to me that studying these subjects is visibly linked to the Salvadoran reality, it has become an incredibly difficult process. For the first time in my life I am personally struggling with all of the theory and policy that I have studied for almost three years in classrooms in Boston College. Living in a third world country has forced me to attach personal experiences, faces, families, communities, conversations, and intimate stories to the statistics and history which I have always studied from an objective perspective. It has been a profound challenge to turn my education into a subjective experience, and begin to accept the fact that the majority of the world does not live or study like I do in the United States. This internal conflict has caused me to experience a great deal of confusion in my own life. However, through living, working, and studying in the Casa I have been given the opportunity to process these thoughts and learn from these experiences. I only hope that in the future my confusion will yield a constructive and progressive mentality, by which I can have an impact on the reality in which the majority of people in our world live in. The hope that I came to the Casa with was to form true relationships with the Salvadoran people that I fell in love with on a delegation trip last year with Boston College. While it was my honest hope, I have come to believe that it is impossible for anyone to come to this country and not have their heart touched by the meaningful friendships that are inevitably formed with Salvadorans. They will repeatedly tell you that their hearts and homes are open to you, and it is probably for this reason that they have been repeatedly victimized by history. Despite this, their hope and their faith inspires a hospitality that has taught me to love in a way that is actually painful. However, without this love I do not think that I could truly appreciate life, namely the people and the experiences which I am so blessed to have every single day. The Casa is a unique opportunity for American students to educate themselves about who they are and where they live. It is a program to study life, which is inevitably wrought with conflict between the head and the heart. However, the strength which can be gained from this experience is one that I believe will last a lifetime.
Something that has been enforced to me throughout my life is the simple idea that it is the people in our lives and worlds that cause us to learn, to grow, and to feel emotions. This simplistic thought is only reinforced time and time again here in El Salvador. Feeling comfort in any environment is a result of the comfort of human relationships and not of material possessions. Whether I am spending time in the campo or in the Casa itself with a handful of other gringos, it is the smiles, the laughs, and the lessons learned that I will carry home in my suitcase and through the rest of my life. How is it that I can feel so comfortable in a place that at first seems foreign? It is because I am welcomed with strong, loving and open arms by the Salvadoran people. They have allowed me to cry, to question, to be confused, to rest, to dance, and to feel an abundance of joy. A house is very different from a home; El Salvador has the ability to quickly become a home. I certainly will carry in my suitcase, as well, questions of the social, structural, political, economic, and human rights themes arising in my studies here. I will need to work hard to come, little by little, to a better understanding of all of these issues in the world. I do, however, have the benefit of an experience that helps me to see, that challenges me, and that questions my role in this life, while at the same time cradles me, nurtures me, and strengthens my faith. There is no better combination for learning and I will forever be grateful.
I have absolutely fallen in love with the Salvadorans. I work in a soup kitchen for kids in Tepecoyo. I see little kids who look five years younger than their age because of malnutrition. Instead of seeing their distended bellies I notice their huge smiles and their dirty little hands when they play with my bracelets or my light hair. I love hearing children blurt out, “Look! It’s the gringa!” not because they are rude, but because they are so happy to see me. I have learned so much about myself from these wonderful people. They have had no problem opening up their hearts to me. This is also true for the women who run the soup kitchen. They take care of me like I am one of their own. As long as they love me like they do, my mom has no need to worry. It is really amazing that the soup kitchen is ran entirely by women. It is in the house of Angelica, who really is an angel. The mothers who take turns preparing the food have taught me so much more than how to shape a tortilla. I love listening to their stories and I admire their modesty. I am always astounded by the human similarities that these women share with my Mom, my Grandma, my aunts, and my friends. Some things, like the love for one’s children, are unaffected by hundreds of years of different cultural attitudes. My time here has not all been wonderful. I keep butting heads with this excessive machismo nonsense that is an intricate part of this culture. I have heard stories and seen situations that do not only make me sick to my stomach, but also make the earth shake beneath my feet. I struggle to learn from these incidents and consider them a mode for understanding more about the reality of El Salvador. Without the love from the Salvadorans I have met, I would not be able to deal with so much. I also learn from the struggle how blessed I am. Sometimes I wish that those who I love in the States could go through this with me, not so they appreciate what they have, but to share the love that these people have shared with me. The people have taken me, a stranger with strange habits, into their lives. I will be forever grateful to the kindness and generosity these people have shown.
After leaving El Salvador and thinking about writing a reflection, the only thing I can think of saying is "I'm speechless." But I know that’s not what they wanted for the website... so I guess I could put it like this... you know how they say if you remember the ‘60s you weren’t really there? Well I would have to say... if you didn’t fall in love with the Salvadoran people, if you didn't have your whole world turned upside down, if you didn't come back with more questions than you started, if you aren't changed forever in the most beautifully frightening way you could ever imagine... then you were never really there. As for the Salvadoran people... I couldn’t do them justice in one paragraph so I'm gonna leave it up to you to go down there and meet them yourself.
I think when it comes down to it, there are challenges and also very exciting things around every corner in this program. For example, if you think it is fun to live with fifteen other people, you definitely can be right, but it also definitely has its challenges too. Living with fifteen other people is just the beginning of this program though. We work, we study, we make amazing friends, have amazing experiences…..we do a lot of stuff. The thing that always goes through my head is that some of these things would be hard to do in English, and basically everything we do is in Spanish! For example, in the communities that we work in two days a week, we go and visit people’s houses, and I think if I was in the United States I would feel uncomfortable just walking into somebody’s house and asking them about their lives. In this case though, we are just learning their language, we are just learning about their culture, we are complete strangers to them, there are obvious economic differences….there are thousands of obstacles, but it is such a cool thing. I mean, it just works. These people accept us with open arms and it amazing how they just tell you their story. Everyone in this country has some amazing story about poverty, death, the war, the earthquake, I mean, I’m not kidding when I say this country is cursed. The hope that exists though is astounding. Salvadorans could so easily just give up and say there is no hope…but they have all the hope in the world. Solidarity truly does exist in this world, and this program truly represents it. We completely immerse ourselves in their culture and in the process this country which has been oppressed for what seems like forever learns that the world does care. Not only are we in solidarity with the people in our communities, we are in solidarity with the Salvadoran students who are also part of the program, and of course we are in solidarity with the other “gringos” too. Just a quick shout-out to the Salvadoran students…they are absolutely wonderful. I just don’t think my experience would be the same without them. Through their friendship, we learn about the culture and El Salvador through the eyes of the people who are the same ages as us and who also are going to be the difference in this country I think. They are studying and working to better this country, and in solidarity with them I feel like we are all working to make this world a better place. Basically, through it all, there are tons of challenges, but it is all worth it. No matter how hard we try the Salvadorans are always going to help us more than we can help them.
People ask me if I am happy I went...I cannot imagine my life without going to the Casa. People ask why I want to come back to El Salvador...the people, no question. The Casa program is amazing at helping students learn, listen, and live the reality of El Salvador, but what has been most powerful and special to me has been building relationships with the Salvadorans, especially the becarios and mi familia segunda the Quintanillas. These people have been my teachers here, teaching me about the war when they were running for their lives, about the economic and political problems that make it so they haven't seen people in their family for 12 years, or make it so they had to work in a maquila (sweatshop) for 13 years. But most importantly they have taught me love, compassion, selflessness, and faith. I feel like with each passing day there is at least one thing that makes my head spin - It is as though my head is a basketball spinning on someone's fingertip and as soon as I start to slow down they hit me so I begin to spin faster. A lot of the time it just needs a little tap by a Salvadoran. My head may never stop spinning with questions but because of the Casa my ballhandling has definitely improved. In conclusion, here is a freestyle that grew out of our crazy antics at the Casa one night...Holla
Before I came to El Salvador, people gave me all sorts of unsolicited advice/comments: By far the best piece of advice I received was from Kevin and Trena on our first day here: "Don’t expect to solve everything," they told us, "because you will probably leave with more questions than answers.” This continues to be the advice that sticks with me. Every day another question reveals itself, and another piece of the proverbial puzzle that I was sure of, that I thought I knew, falls away. I make a good show of it, pretending I understand every word of Spanish (nodding your head and interjecting a "si, si" will get you far) and so forth. Yesterday, after the English class that I teach in my Praxis site one of my students asked me: Oh, if only she knew, I’m just flying by the seat of my pants.
The Casa program has really added a new dimension, a fullness, to my university education that I know it would have been hard to get anywhere else. There are just some things that can’t be learned in the classroom, that can’t be truly understood through books. In a time when the world is more interconnected then ever we can’t choose to ignore other cultures, other realities, without causing great damage to others and ourselves, we need to learn from others around the world, we need to respect other cultures, and learn that our actions at home effect people worlds away. This is what the Casa offers, it is what the Casa has given me and for this I will be eternally grateful to Kevin and Trena, and everyone I have met through the program. To contact me my e-mail address is: trinculo_238@hotmail.com
The Casa experience is a life changing experience. It was a continuation, a fulfillment to what a Jesuit Education is in its pure essence. The combination of the different dynamics of the program such as the community work partnered with the classes, the network of support of American students and the becarios (Salvadoran scholarship students) is so enriching, Kevin and Trena are truly wonderful people and each day would continue to amaze me. They are very for real, integral people who live out what the program is. As a Theology major and having been taught the Catholic religion in school for my whole life, putting education, and class work into “praxis,” per se, takes the process of understanding the meaning of true justice to the next level. The relationships with the becarios in the program are a real special part of the program. Through the friendship and colleague relationship with them, they helped me to push myself to go deeper than I ever thought I could go with myself. Yes, this program will be challenging, it’s not always going to be easy. But when you think about it, if you are a person who truly is seeking to understand what justice is, then that process isn’t always going to be an easy one because suffering isn’t easy. The Casa experience offers you the opportunity, if you’re willing, to see justice happen in front of your eyes, to see the strength of the human will and faith in action in the people you meet. These understandings and life lessons have changed me forever. My soul has been awakened. The joy and understanding of me, confronting dark parts of me I never knew I would ever encounter, is beyond anything in time. If you have any questions about anything, for whatever reason, feel free to contact me – sullivzo@bc.edu “Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.” “In matters of style, swim with the currents, In matters of principle, stand like A ROCK.”
One of my hopes for this experience was to form lasting relationships, and so far my connections with the people I’ve met are definitely what has shaped my time here. I am not sure if the Casa students realize how much they support me, but my housemates have been a constant source of humor, relief and friendship. Though living in community is not easy, it has been very rewarding. Additionally, through my praxis site, I have found a second family here who teach me about devotion and passion everyday—while they pray, while the younger children argue about politics over breakfast, while the older siblings work tirelessly to support each other financially and emotionally, and while they gather to sing the inspirational songs of their faith and suffering. I am learning everyday, from Kevin and Trena, my classroom professors, the Salvadoran scholarship students, my Casa mates, and at my praxis site. It is very exciting to be able to combine all of these opportunities and grow with these people while I try to contemplate life and justice. The more I encounter the profound struggles of the Salvadoran people, the more humbled I am by their compassion and patience with me, and the more I am able to appreciate their understanding of humanity—that poverty isn’t virtuous, their generosity isn’t simply natural, rather it comes from a deep spring of hope, love and truth that I’m still trying to comprehend. If students would like to contact me, I would love to help answer questions: starlet1983@aol.com
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