iPhone, We Need to Talk
Please come here iPhone, I’d like to talk to you for a few minutes and share some important fatherly advice.
To begin, let me tell you how proud I am of you. I can remember when you were just a baby, only 10 years ago. Everyone celebrated your coming into the world, and we marveled at the fact that we could hold you in one hand. Uncle Steve joked that there were three of you—what a scare! But of course he was only referring to a number of the unique things you could do. Before you came into my life, I never could have fathomed what it would be like to have you as my own. Now look at you. You’ve grown, and I need two hands to hold you much of the time. And you’re wide awake and on the go all day. I can’t possibly imagine life without you. But now that you’ve grown up, it’s time to have a chat about some adult expectations.
First, I want you to be more aware of how you affect people. I know it may seem flattering to get so much adoration, but you tend to dominate the attention of a lot of people. I think it’s great that you can develop such close relationships, but you should realize that sometimes that comes at the cost of how your friends interact with one another. Don’t get me wrong, you’re wonderful at bringing everyone together when they are far away from each other, but you can often isolate people when they’re together in the same room. We all need to help you work on that.
Second, I’d like you to be a little less forthcoming about everything that you do with your friends. I know you like to Facechat this and Snapbook that, but you need to realize that everything you post is public, and it’s all permanently archived in various places even when you delete it. All the fun things you’re doing now may prove to be embarrassing later on, particularly if future employers use you to check up on things. And all that personal information you post—that’s exactly how people can steal your friends’ identities, tarnish their reputation, and ruin their credit. I know you aren’t thinking about a lot of those things now, but it’s time to take responsibility for what you’re doing.
Finally, I’d like to talk to you about your new baby brother, Apple Watch. I know you’re used to being the center of attention, but many people will soon be spending a lot of time with little Watch. Siblings can be overly competitive, so I’m asking you to be a good big brother. Share your apps with him and help him connect to other people when his signal is too weak. I know it will be hard, but that’s part of growing up and living with a new generation.
OK, I know you want to go off and find your friends, but please think about what I’ve said. I’m always here for you, even when you think I tune you out. And remember, I love you.