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The Wellness Center

Talking to a Friend

How to Talk to a Friend about their Substance Use

Having a conversation with a friend about their substance use can be difficult, but it is also an opportunity to express sincere, nonjudgmental concern from one friend to another. 

Signs Someone may be misusing substances:

  1. They drink or use drugs daily or nearly daily, or they become excessively intoxicated each time they use.
  2. They frequently have to leave social events because they are too intoxicated, getting sick, or becoming confused or incoherent.
  3. They often become agitated, aggressive, or unusually sad when they are under the influence.
  4. They regularly miss academic, professional, or social obligations because of their substance use, such as sleeping through class, not making it past the pregame, or losing interest in social activities that do not involve substances.

While these are some of the common signs that someone may be using substances, they may seem totally “fine” in their academic, professional, and social lives. Don’t take those as reasons to dismiss behaviors that may be concerning

 

These tips can help get the conversation started

  1. Don’t send a “we need to talk” text. Find a time to meet with your friend, ideally one on one, and do your best to bring up the topic organically but directly. 
  2. Avoid assumptions. Your friend may already be concerned about their substance use, or this conversation may feel like it is coming completely out of nowhere. Try not to assume how they feel about it.
  3. Keep things concrete. Statements like, “You’ve been drinking a lot,” can feel subjective and may make your friend feel defensive. Saying, “You told me you’ve blacked out every weekend this month,” stays grounded in agreed-upon facts or direct observations.
  4. Lead with empathy. You are having this conversation because you care about your friend, and it is important to communicate that clearly.
  5. Be open to however they respond. People ultimately have to make their own decisions about substance use. Do not go into the conversation expecting them to change. Your goal is to share what you have noticed, express your concern, and name any impacts you think are worth bringing up.

 

What to Avoid

  • Don’t have the conversation while either person is intoxicated
  • Don’t gang up on your friend with a group (this can feel very “everyone v.s. me”)
  • Don’t use labels like “alcoholic or addict” 
  • Don’t get caught up arguing about specific examples
  • Don’t tell friends they “need help” (but offer resources, like attending Burnout Broncos or scheduling a Wellness Coaching session if they're open to it)

 

These are general guidelines based on best practices, but every situation is unique. If you’d like personalized support or coaching for having a conversation with a friend, or if reading this page has motivated you to seek support for yourself, please schedule an appointment with Jason Muñoz, the Assistant Director for Substance Use and Recovery programs.